Have you ever tried to have a conversation with your spouse or one of your kids and all you got was a simple one-word answer? All of us have. Here’s a tip – ask open ended questions.
You want to connect and enter their world so you ask, “how are you?” The answer you get is “fine.” I guess that’s better than nothing, but it really doesn’t satisfy your desire for a conversation.
Basically, an open ended is one that can’t be answered with a single word.
Basically, an open ended is one that can’t be answered with a single word.
Here are some examples:
- Tell me about your day, instead of how was your day?
- What happened next?
- Tell me more about…
- How does that work?
- How did that make you feel?
- What is something that I can do tomorrow that will make your day better?
- What are some stresses that you are currently facing?
- What is it about these things that is causing you stress?
- Tell me how I can help?
- How is our connection doing?
- Is there something you’d like to see more of in our marriage?
- Is there something you’d like to see less of in our marriage?
Here are some do’s and don’ts to asking open ended questions:
- Do set aside time and be mentally prepared for a longer conversation – if you ask an open ended question, be prepared for a longer answer.
- Do listen generously, making eye contact and focus on the person
- Do wait until your spouse finishes to ask a follow up question
- Do be genuinely curious and seek to understand your spouse’s world
- Do be empathetic and seek to understand and validate their feelings
- Don’t use the word “why” as in “why did you do that?”
- Don’t interrupt
- Don’t start talking about yourself or your day until your spouse is done talking about theirs.
- Don’t start telling a story about how you went through something similar, it’s not your turn.
- Don’t fix or give advice unless asked
Next time someone comes home from work or school, try asking an open ended question and let me know how it goes.
Next time someone comes home from work or school, try asking an open ended question and let me know how it goes. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
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