Ask the Connection Question

          Would you like to strengthen your marriage? A great way to do that is to ask the Connection Question.

Do you want a stronger connection?

Everyone in a romantic relationship wants two things.  We want that relationship to be great and we want it to last. The problem is that we don’t know how to get these things. How do you build a relationship or marriage with another human being that will be both fulfilling and long lasting? We all look at couples in their golden years that have been married for decades and think they either must be really lucky or really blessed.

Certainly there are couples who have figured out how to be happily married. But the sad reality is that the majority of marriages or romantic relationships end painfully or they stay together but are not happy. But this does not have to happen to you.  I’ve got good news for you. You really can have a great marriage or relationship that is enjoyable, fulfilling AND one that will last a lifetime. But those things do not happen by accident. You must ask the connection question.

Ask the Connection Question

The connection question is three simple words that will cause you to evaluate and hopefully energize you to do something to strengthen the quality of your relationship. The connection question is: “How’s our connection?”

The connection question is: “How’s our connection?”

A connection between two people is a sense of closeness. It is the sense of safety and security you get when you have a strong friendship with someone. You trust that person to not hurt you or leave you. You have fun with and enjoy being with him or her. It doesn’t matter what you do together, you enjoy the moment because he or she is with you.

          Asking the connection question is how you monitor the quality of your connection.  When someone gets hurt and the ambulance arrives, they check the patient’s vital signs. In the same way, couples who want to stay married look at and talk about the quality of their connection. Whether they verbalize it or not, they regularly ask, “How’s our connection?”  If they don’t feel it is as strong as it could be, they take action.

Your connection is like a dimmer switch

 I like to think about connection as a dimmer switch. If you want more light, you turn it up and if you want it darker in the room, a dimmer allows you to gradually adjust the light to what you’d like it to be. We tend to think of a lot of things in terms of “off and on”. But many things in life gradually change. No one wakes up and suddenly decides to divorce their spouse. That decision is made over time as the connection in their marriage gradually dims. If you neglect your connection with your husband or wife, it will gradually fade. But that doesn’t have to happen. You can do something to prevent that.  By monitoring the quality of your connection you can take action to turn it up and strengthen it.

Asking the connection question is living in reality. We may think we have a stronger connection than we actually do. When you take the time to look at the strength of your connection you are stepping out of the realms of denial and fantasy into the realm of reality. If you have a great connection, rejoice! If it needs work, don’t be discouraged but do something to strengthen it. Nothing will happen until you embrace the reality of your connection and honestly look at the quality of it by asking the connection question.

For more on this, here’s a link to a video:

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