Turn It Up Coaching: Trust: The Relationship Bank Account, man holding woman over a cliff

Trust – The one thing all marriages and relationships must have

What do you think is the number one thing a woman looks for in a man?

According to relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman, the number one thing that a woman looks for in a man is trustworthiness. Trust is the foundation of all relationships. This is because we don’t let someone get close to us that we don’t trust. When you trust someone, you confidently know that person is safe. You know that this person has your back and will be there for you.

The opposite of trust

The opposite of trust is betrayal. Betrayal can occur when you or your spouse puts something or someone ahead of your relationship. I have talked with many people who would never think of cheating on their spouses yet their career is more important than their marriage.

Trust is like a bank account.

When you go to the bank you do two things, you make deposits and withdrawals. When you do something trustworthy you make a deposit in the trust account of your relationship. This could be something as simple as surprising your wife with flowers, a small gift or writing a note that you leave for her when you go to work. Withdrawals are made when you damage the trust your spouse has in you.

More Deposits than Withdrawals

Perhaps you forgot to call and let him or her know you would be late getting home. Not only is this inconsiderate, it sends the message that you do not really care about their feelings. Even after you apologize, your spouse may still be wondering if he or she can trust you. Your relationship will get in significant trouble when you make more withdrawals than deposits. The good news is that you can always make more deposits and rebuild the trust he or she has in you.

Trust Deposits

Here are a few suggestions on how to make trust deposits:

  1. Do what you say you will do. When your spouse asks you to do something, do it. Do not put it off or ignore it. If you do not have time, then do not say you will do it. Making and fulfilling promises shows that your words mean something and that you can be trusted.
  2. Do not just apologize, change. When you make a mistake, go a step beyond saying you are sorry. Think about what you need to do so that you do not make that mistake again.
  3. Ask God to help you. When you don’t know what to do to repair a relationship or build the trust in it, ask God and He will guide you. When we trust him, this is what he promises: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.

If you agree that trust is #1 for a woman, leave a comment below.

As a Marriage Coach, Iā€™m here to help you succeed in your relationships.

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