Do you know what the biggest mistake husbands make when their wives are upset? Guys we really blow it sometimes. When our wives come to us upset, if you’re like me the first thing you ask yourself is, “what did I do now?” Maybe it’s not anything you did. She might be upset, angry, hurt, or sad about something else going on in her life. When we find out we didn’t do anything, we usually make a big mistake. What is that mistake? We go into fix it mode!
Husbands go into fix it mode!
Fix it mode is listening in order to provide a solution to the problem your wife is facing. As soon as you come up with one, if you’re like me, you interrupt and say, “here’s what you need to do” and you proceed to give her advice. We love to do this as husbands because we love our wives and we want to be helpful. We want to be the hero and rescue our damsel in distress, right? The problem is that she might not want your help or your advice. As soon as you start telling her what to do, she stops talking. You have high jacked the conversation. The sad truth is that you now are not being helpful at all and probably not very supportive.
Here’s my suggestion. Let her talk. Ask her questions. Let her process the pain she going through and be there with her to support her. After sharing her heart, she may ask your advice, but you will be much more helpful if you wait until she does. What she probably needs from you first is a listening ear, understanding, empathy and validation, not advice.
What she probably needs from you is a listening ear, understanding, empathy and validation, not advice.
Once you understand what she’s going through, another great thing you can do is pray for her. Hold your wife’s hand, and simply ask God to help her, give her wisdom, guidance, strength, comfort or anything else that comes to your mind. It doesn’t have to be fancy or use religious words, but just coming from the heart is all it takes.
I hope you found this helpful. Please let me know your reaction in the comments below.
What are you struggling with right now? I’m here to help.
I thought I was the only one doing this. Little did I know that most husbands resort to doing this. Therefore, Ifind the article very helpful and relevant. In fact, it relates to the section in the book on validation, which I am still in the process of reading. Thanks for sharing, Pastor Kelly!
–J. Okeyo